Ask permission before offering advice
Seeking a client's permission before sharing information or advice shifts the dynamic from expert-to-patient to collaborative, increasing receptivity.
When to use this
- Before sharing any information, advice, or observation the client didn't ask for
- When you've noticed a pattern you want to name
- Before offering a suggestion or recommendation
- When you want to share research or a framework
Why this matters
One of the most common mistakes coaches make is volunteering information the client didn't ask for. Even when the advice is excellent, unsolicited input can feel patronising and reduce the client's sense of autonomy. Autonomy is one of the core psychological needs identified in Self-Determination Theory — when it's threatened, motivation decreases.
Asking permission — "Would it be okay if I shared something I've noticed?" or "I have some ideas about that — would you like to hear them?" — is a brief step that signals respect, increases receptivity, and almost always gets a "yes". The same information lands very differently when it's invited.
In practice
Client has been struggling with their meal plan. Coach (unsolicited): "You should try batch cooking on Sundays." Client nods politely, doesn't implement it. Coach (with permission): "I've got a thought about what might help — would you like to hear it?" Client: "Yes, please." Coach: "Have you ever tried batch cooking on Sundays?" Client: "Actually, that could work..." Same information, fundamentally different dynamic.
What to say
Word-for-word phrases you can use in session.
- "I've got a thought about that — would you like to hear it?
- "I've noticed something that might be relevant. Would it be okay if I shared it?
Almost every client says yes. The value is in the asking, not the answer — it shifts the dynamic from expert-to-client to collaborative.
Try it today
In your next session, count how many times you offer information or advice. For each one, note whether you asked permission first. Set a goal to ask permission for every piece of unsolicited advice in next week's sessions.
Make it a habit
Add "ask permission" as a checklist item in your pre-session preparation. It takes 10 seconds and changes the entire dynamic of information sharing.
Watch out for
- Asking permission and then launching into a lecture — the ask earns you a minute of sharing, not ten.
- Asking rhetorically without leaving space for 'no' — if you're going to ask, be prepared for the client to decline.
- Overusing it to the point it becomes a verbal tick — use it when you're about to offer something unsolicited, not as a preamble to everything.
Ready to put this into practice?
Sticky Coach helps you track client habits and conversations — so nothing falls through the cracks.
More tips
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Praising the process — consistency, strategy, problem-solving — builds resilience and a growth mindset; praising outcomes alone builds fragility.
Help clients plan for setbacks before they happen
Clients who anticipate obstacles and pre-plan their response bounce back from stumbles quickly — instead of treating one missed session as proof that the whole attempt has failed.
Use open questions to unlock client insight
Replacing closed yes/no questions with open questions invites clients to explore their own thinking, uncovering goals, barriers, and readiness for change.