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Ask permission before offering advice

Seeking a client's permission before sharing information or advice shifts the dynamic from expert-to-patient to collaborative, increasing receptivity.

Why this matters

One of the most common mistakes coaches make is volunteering information the client didn't ask for. Even when the advice is excellent, unsolicited input can feel patronising and reduce the client's sense of autonomy. Autonomy is one of the core psychological needs identified in Self-Determination Theory — when it's threatened, motivation decreases.

Asking permission — "Would it be okay if I shared something I've noticed?" or "I have some ideas about that — would you like to hear them?" — is a brief step that signals respect, increases receptivity, and almost always gets a "yes". The same information lands very differently when it's invited.

In practice

Client has been struggling with their meal plan. Coach (unsolicited): "You should try batch cooking on Sundays." Client nods politely, doesn't implement it. Coach (with permission): "I've got a thought about what might help — would you like to hear it?" Client: "Yes, please." Coach: "Have you ever tried batch cooking on Sundays?" Client: "Actually, that could work..." Same information, fundamentally different dynamic.

Source: Miller, W.R. & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

Try it today

In your next session, count how many times you offer information or advice. For each one, note whether you asked permission first. Set a goal to ask permission for every piece of unsolicited advice in next week's sessions.

Make it a habit

Add "ask permission" as a checklist item in your pre-session preparation. It takes 10 seconds and changes the entire dynamic of information sharing.

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